On Day 4 of this Self Loving project, my partner and I cuddled up together. Well, more specifically, my partner kneeled on the floor and bent over my legs asking me to rub their back. I love when a grown adult voluntarily assumes such a vulnerable position. After rubbing my sweeties’ tense muscles, and giving loving touch across their back, spine, and shoulders, my partner suggests we take this touch a bit further.
For an hour and a half, I play, enjoy, and help relax my partner’s body. Without rushing or demanding my dear love shift their attention from receiving to giving, I stroke their back, chest, arms, butt, all their parts and pieces. Again, today, I could hear that voice in my head urging me to go slower, to take my time, and to really encourage my lover to enjoy the multitude and nuance of each kind of superficial and penetrating touch. I didn’t need to rush because I know I can always satisfy myself.
When my strong-bodied sweetheart was a post-orgasmic puddle, I kissed them gently on the cheek and turned that same “take my time” attitude toward my own body and sex. As my lover basked in their own post-coital bliss, they witnessed me pursuing my own pleasure. I didn’t need my lover to interact, to intervene, or to participate. I could feel them watching the way I touched myself, the way I moved my arms and hips and curved my spine. I could hear their breathing shift rhythm, increasing as mine did. I could feel their body move closer to mine without demanding my attention or distracting my flow. Every few minutes, I would open my eyes and look into theirs, acknowledging their presence and our simple human desire to feel juicy. It was a beautiful space of time to show up for myself and to show my lover another layer of me.
Sometimes its so hard to communicate to a lover about how you like to be touched, licked, caressed, kissed, fucked, sucked, penetrated, held, or just seen. When I make love to myself and my partner can witness, I feel as though we keep pushing into a more sophisticated dimension in our sexual communication with each other. It works for me because I really want my partner to understand how I want to fuck. And it works for my partner because they get kinda tired of me “wanting to talk about everything.” Its a win – win!
I suggest anyone who is in a sexual relationship give this a try. See what happens when you self-pleasure and your partner witnesses. See what happens when you both self-pleasure at the same time. Neither of you have to reach orgasm, because as I’ve said, that isn’t the point. The point is to follow the arousal. Follow what feels good. Letting your lover witness you in your own self-cultivated arousal can communicate way more than “a little to the left. Oh, right there,” ever will.