I like to play sex games with friends and lovers. Its so incredibly bonding and liberating to see people in their writhing hot sweaty horny madness. Or their sweet soft relaxation of deeply resonating surrender.
Last night, I played a game with my lover. Its a mutual masturbation game where all the folks involved intend to orgasm simultaneously. I’m sure some people think they’re always playing that game when they’re having sex. In this situation however, we’re self-regulating and communicating to make simultaneous climax a more likely scenario, rather than just hoping it’ll happen.
Here’s the deal: all the wankers countdown from 50, one at a time in order of the circle. The game is to all reach 1 together with release. This game can be played with just 2 people or as many as you might want.
What I love about this sex game is that each person is responsible for their own pleasure. I don’t reach out and stroke my partner, and they don’t get in my space. I get to play with myself however I want, and so does everyone else in the circle. And by using a countdown, in which each player gets to use their number at their own pace, the entire group is constantly listening to their bodies, feeding into and feeding off of the group energy, and most importantly, self-regulating their own arousal.
Self-regulation is the key to the countdown. So often, I hear from my clients of all genders and sexual orientations, that in their relationships (or even in their one night stands) that the sex is blah boring because the pacing of the partners is so divergent. One partner can orgasm in 10 minutes through intercourse and then is exhausted after ejaculation while the other person needs lots of warm up to feel juicy and alive and then doesn’t have an orgasm through penetration at all and wants fingers, a mouth, a vibrator, a dildo, etc. Or one partner wants sex 3 times a week and the other can live with sex just once a month.
We get to know people when we masturbate with them. We get to see how they touch themselves, where they focus their attention. And we let someone else see us in those moments of pleasure when our judging mind turns off and we release into our body’s natural rhythm of erotic expression. We communicate so much about what we want and need sexually. If we did this more as partners, friends, lovers, and community, we could shatter the shame we have about our bodies and desire, stop expecting other people to fulfill our every sexual need and blaming them when we don’t get what we want, and really own who we are as sexual animals.
It was just me and loverboy. We transitioned into this game early in our play time after a bit of body rubbing, making out, and dry humping by incorporating stripping off our clothes, getting our toys ready, and showing our bodies to each other. I felt so warmed up, turned on, and in energetic and emotional alignment with my partner before either one of us started touching our genitals.
We played easy with the numbers, bouncing back and forth with an easy rhythm like we were throwing a ball in the yard, from 50 to 35 or so. As the energy built and the numbers got smaller, we played and laughed, told each other what fun we were having and how gorgeous the other person was in this moment.
All the while, we could really see each other. And I don’t mean, like hi, I see you walking on the street. I mean, here is my body and my sex and this is the way I touch myself for my pleasure and I want you to see me in my hotness! I loved locking eyes with my lover and seeing the micro movements of their pupil and the details of the patterns of color in their iris as they smiled and moaned and laughed with juicy fun. I loved backing up a bit to create more space between our bodies, watching the ways they grabbed at their flesh in one moment and caressed in another.
By the time our numbers reached the teens, we were sweating wet sex machines. I wanted to push the edges of how long we could maintain that high energy dance, and my partner wanted to get to 1, so we played and teased back and forth, talking dirty to each other, begging for the next number, all the while feeding into and feeding off of each other.
Moving closer together, I could feel the heat radiating off my lover’s body as passed 5… 4… ”ready?” … 3… “Fuck yeah”… 2… 1!
YES! Explosive orgasms, undulations and contractions, moans and laughter, clenching and quivering, deep breaths and sighs of relief, collapsing onto the bed, entangled in each other.