Self Loving Week in Review

Its been a whole week with no posting about my self loving and solo sexing adventure project.  So, here is an attempt at a week in review.  One of the things I’ve noticed over the last week is my own ebb and flow of sexual, erotic, and sensual energy.  I’ve haven’t felt particularly horny over the last week, and so I’ve watched myself avoid the keyboard and the blog page.  What I’ve also watched is the powerful and necessary process of reframing everyday to find the right fit.

When folks come to me because they feel like their libido has diminished or they don’t feel confident in the dating world or they struggle with climax and orgasm, I recommend (over and again) they engage in a practice of producing pleasure in their bodies.  As I’ve said before, pleasure doesn’t have to equal orgasm.  Pleasure is simply generating sensations that feel good, that help you get grounded in your body, that connect you to your desires, that tap into your creativity.

So, everyday, you’ll see here activities that I consider part of my self-loving.  Some of these aren’t particularly sexy, but they all connect me to my body, which ultimately connects me to my sexuality.

Received anal massage and internal sacral scrapping.  What does that even mean?  I asked for help — something lots of us have a hard time doing — and found it with a finger in my ass, touching my sacrum from the inside, manipulating the tissue and taping on the nerves that innervate my legs and pelvis.  I  connected in with how tense my belly and digestive track have been over the past week or so and practiced concentrated breathing to relax my anus and invite my body to move stuck energy.  It was an incredible experience of coming into conscious communication with my muscles and nerves.  I laughed at how tense I was in my flesh and came to a deeper place of relaxation with this help than I could of on my own.

I also gave myself a hot hot herbal facial steam with lavender, eucalyptus, and chamomile essential oils.

Like on day one, I went swimming on my bathtub with epsom salt and apple cider vinegar, both incredible detoxifying agents that clean and soothe.  I massaged and scrubbed my feet, touching in on tender reflexology points that told me what I already knew:  neck and shoulders are tense, small intestine is annoyed, and back is tight.

This was a busy busy week.  My internal declaration “I want sex,” occurred exactly 2 times throughout the week, and on Wednesday, after leaving my office, arriving home, and preparing to change clothes and go out again, I grabbed my magic wand and buzzed right through my jeans.  After some good vibrations,  contractions and a few simple, stress-relieving orgasms, I took two breaths, sped through my costume change and was out the door again.

In this encounter, I noticed my internal dialogue.  “5 minutes isn’t enough.”  “You’re addicted that that vibrator.”  “If I buzz my clit like this too much, I won’t be able to feel a tongue.”  “Oh fuck it, I could use a simple screw.”  “Oh, that feels good… Yeah…that’s it.”  “Why fight it, just let yourself relax and have it.”

Thursday (Valentine’s Day):
Wow.  What a day.  I didn’t avoid Valentine’s Day.  And I didn’t move toward it, either.  I kinda just watched it pass without too much engagement.  I worked hard all day, writing, planning, seeing clients, even moving furniture.  I ate a mediocre sushi dinner with myself and went back to the office.

By 8:30pm, I felt like I still had a mountain of things to do, so I put it all down, turned up the music and danced in my shoebox of a space, moving my body, shifting my energy and tapping into my vision, my passion, and my clarity in motion.  Ten minutes later, I felt more open and alive, more productive and focused for my last hour of “things to do.”

I began my morning with a short self anal massage to relax me for a coffee retention enema.  Combining clitoral stimulation with the paradox of holding and relaxing my anus, I felt intense contractions in my pelvis and belly, which led to a deeper relaxation upon expelling the solids and fluids.

Again, another coffee enema.  I love this practice.  For health and play, the coffee enema teaches me so much about my body and my capacity to process sensation and emotion.

With the mellow sounds of Madredeus serenading me, I settled into a rhythm of long, fully belly breaths as I let the coffee infusion fill my gut.  When I let my mouth hang open and tone through the internal contractions, I felt the undulations and quivering of orgasm, one after another, delivering me to a pool of relaxation over and again.  My body was covered in goosebumps, and I could feel a considerable distinction in temperature from my core to my periphery.  This day’s medicine felt enlivening.  I felt less cluttered and much more in touch with the clarity that leads to conscious choice-making, as opposed to scarcity minded grasping.

Besides my cleanse and the next few hours of pampering my skin and hair and body, my only solid “to do” of the day was to acquire red hot lipstick.  Thank you Sephora for all the options!

First of all, I slept in.  Till 11am.  Whoa.  That is probably worth 250 words all on its own, but I’ll leave it at that and say that I ended my day just as sweetly as I began it.  Getting sweaty with 2 of my newest girlfriends in my sauna and indulging in bodywork exchange that left us all soaked and silky with coconut and almond oils.

What a week rich with sensation!


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