To dream, fantasize, or imagine an intimate life that turns you on and lights you up rather than wears you out or lets you down?
To believe that your sexual liberation and satisfaction is just as important as succeeding in your career, being an amazing parent or friend, or addressing climate change?
To seek a path or a place or a playfulness that feels true to your heart and soul?
Do you need permission to invest in your precious sex, body, and relationships through time, love, tenderness, support, or community?
Giving ourselves permission is (usually) the first step in us doing anything new, different, outside our comfort zone, or taboo. (This includes me, too. That is why I write in the royal “we.”)
Permission shifts our perspective. It opens us up to more possibility, whether we are stepping into something new or saying no and walking away. When we make a choice and take action to move, we allow more in — more love, healing, discipline, opportunity, pleasure, evolution, and justice.
Giving ourselves permission doesn’t mean that we’re going to go full steam ahead with no boundaries, all willy nilly and out of control. Giving ourselves permission doesn’t mean we’re going to lose ourselves in something. It simply means we’re going to take the next step forward. And after that step, we can choose to give ourselves permission to take the next step after that.
We consent. We authorize. We approve.
We consent to make a move in this great adventure of discovering, connecting, loving, and delivering on our purpose.
We authorize ourselves to make a choice, to take responsibility for our feelings, our moments, and chasing our dreams. We reaffirm that we are our own authority.
We approve ourself. We accept where we are right here, right now. We approve of taking action, taking a chance, risking a change.
This is all what a previous mentor of mine calls course correction. She says, “you have to take action in order to be able to course correct.”
We can’t change anything if we don’t do anything (different).
Most of us don’t give ourselves permission to do something different because we carry terribly damaging narratives from society that tells us we don’t deserve what we desire. We tell ourselves we aren’t good enough, we aren’t rich enough or pretty enough. We say “one day,” and that day never comes. We tell ourselves that the thing we desire is for someone else, not us.
We tell ourselves that our family will disown us, our boss will fire us, all our friends and lovers will leave us (that was certainly my story), that the very foundation of civilization will crumble and the literal world will end.*
We make up all kinds of stories preventing us from taking a step forward into a single experience or a great transformation that truth is calling us to, that is banging around inside our heart and soul clamoring for attention.
This is especially true when we think about what we want in sex or love, if we invest resources of time, money, or energy into exploring who we are as sexual creatures, if we acknowledge that we have a problem, a struggle, or a longing.
Permission is the first step to do something different.
To confront the stories that screech through the busted speakers of our raging, insecure inner dialogue. To reaffirm that we are, in fact, hard-wired to seek out safety, love, and belonging. To remind us that our fundamental needs include happiness, freedom of expression, joy, rest, play, autonomy to determine our experience, contributing to the greater good of a just society, laughter and beauty, connection to spirit, clean air, water, land, and food.
In this way, permission is an act of self-love.
This is showing up for yourself with the discipline to heal, integrate, and honor all the parts of yourself without agenda or demand, in all the ways we wish someone would have shown up for us when were younger or would now.
Let this be the reassurance you need.
You have permission:
- to be the person you wish would have shown up for you when you were young.
- to dive into the depths of your desires and swim laps.
- to be loud and ferocious in your pleasure and orgasm.
- to leave the relationships where you aren’t honored and well-tended.
- to seek out communities and events that are feminist & sex-positive, that challenge the status quo and inspire you to think, connect, and create in new ways
- to fall in love with chemistry and smiles and moments of delight.
- to be notorious!
- to try anything you want on any day.
- to quit your job, start a business, ask for a raise, and reclaim the value of your work.
- the be explicit in your wants and needs, as if your very life depends on the naming
- to concentrate just on your body, your healing, and loving yourself fully.
- to link your love of self to protection of this planet and all its inhabitants.
- to laugh out loud, blare the music in the car, and dance anywhere.
- to log off social media, detox your brain, and follow your own curiosity, style, and adventure
- to talk about sex and pleasure with your partners and with your friends (with their consent)
- to shut the door, tell people NO, and just breathe into your own space in your own time.
- and so much more
Tell me in the comments below what you need permission to do or say.