Whether you are sitting quietly with yourself or your crush, touching your own skin or the soft inner thigh of your lover, one of the best ways to mindfully increase intimacy and pleasure, is to let your breath lead the connection.
Your breath is the one system in your body that can cool you off or make you hot, slow your roll, speed your heart, or completely overwhelm you. It is the one system you can consciously control that will ensure a whole-body transformative effect of connection — to self, to others, and to the planet.
To lead with your breath, start by simply focusing on your breath in this current moment. Notice whether you are inhaling and exhaling through your nose or mouth. Notice the length of the inhale and exhale. Notice how your chest, belly, back, or pelvis expands and contracts as you move the oxygen through your system.
Find the flow that already exists. You don’t have to “make something happen.” Just notice what is already happening.
When you have found that flow, use your breath to lead any action — touching, moving, smiling, gazing into the eyes of your lover, or simply enjoying.
On your own or with a partner, caress the arm or side body in one direction for the duration of the inhale, then go in the opposite direction for the duration of the exhale. Coordinate the full breath with a simple movement or touch.
Move at the speed and pace of the breath. Take your time to notice the terrain of the skin and bones and flesh and fat over the course of the fullness of the breath.
When I do hands-on work with my clients, we start our practice on the arm, from the fingertips to the shoulder, doing this exercise in 3 minute intervals. Virtually all of my clients are surprised how intimate, vulnerable, and tender this seemingly simple act can be for folks touching themselves or another person.
So often, we move too fast in sexual intimacy that we rush ourselves or our partner and we miss spots on our body that need to be touched and nourished. Leading with our breath slows us down enough to be fully present in our skin and our intention for connection.
When you’re with a partner, to amplify or intensify your connection, look each other in the eyes, match your breath with each other, while each of you mirror the touch of the other — same part of the body, same pace, similar level of pressure.
When we mirror each other — matching breath, eye gazing, same touch — we create an energetic current between each other, generating excitement, connection, and deepening our intimacy and closeness. This can lead us to feel swept up, swirling with excitement, and lifting ourselves into ecstasy.
Give it a quick test with yourself and with your partner or friend and report back.