Sexual Liberation Goals 2020

We’re 10 days in to the new year, with the moon eclipsing and full today, so the sky will be bright tonight with earth’s closest companion.  

Congratulations!  You made it this far!

When you set your 2020 goals 10 days ago, did you consider what you want for your sexual life?  Did you clarify your intentions, goals, or next steps for your sexual pleasure, healing, and liberation?

We’re in one of the most significant years of our lifetime when it comes to war and peace, national leadership, the livability of our planet, and the direction of our society for the next generation.  

I don’t say this to put more pressure on your to do everything.  I say it because we are all called to be more intentional in our action. 

We — humanity — are being called to be intentional, methodical, tender, and relentless in our pursuit of self-loving and global justice. 

So, how will you be intentional in your self-loving pursuit of sexual healing, ecstasy, connection, and liberation?

Here’s a simple list of intentions that come from friends, students, lovers, and my own heart.

I intend to …

  • be more present to my sexual desires
  • dance more — in my underwear, with other people, even when no one else is
  • say what I want when I want it
  • say NO more often
  • say YES more often
  • breathe
  • embrace my erotic curiosities
  • engage my critical thinking and viewing skills when I’m choosing my pornography
  • seek out erotic media that aligns with my social values and turns me on
  • participate in sex-positive communities, events, performance, or art
  • intentionally turn myself on through movement and touch
  • articulate my goals on paper and return to them weekly
  • leave toxic relationships with people I love
  • diversify my sexual repertoire with myself 
  • prioritize consent at every step
  • initiate conversations with my partner about our sexual life on a regular basis
  • reduce pressure to perform
  • join a support group for survivors 
  • take a healthy relationships class
  • refer to experts in the field about challenges I face 
  • read books, listen to podcasts, take a class, hire a coach
  • get a massage monthly
  • get an erotic massage at least once
  • normalize conversations about sexuality and pleasure with friends
  • do sex magic rituals every full moon
  • take sex off the back burner
  • acknowledge that I’m afraid to actually do or say what I want, and then do or say it anyway
  • masturbate regularly
  • find my GSpot
  • explore my prostate for pleasure and health
  • enjoy the sensuality of my life everyday
  • cultivate magically intimate relationships with people or places that inspire my whole aliveness
  • put Sex Lab on the calendar and show up for it with curiosity and gratitude
  • support sex workers’ rights 
  • learn about genital anatomy for myself and the people I like to have sexual play with
  • understand the Orgasm Gap
  • use a vibrator
  • use my other hand
  • redefine “sex” 
  • bend over, open up, and use more lube
  • breathe
  • go slower when I touch my partner
  • experiment with BDSM
  • make more noise
  • give money to survivors’ service organizations
  • dismantle misogyny, sexism, or racist patriarchy in myself and my community; stop supporting public officials or leaders who use these tactics to get ahead
  • practice self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-loving

Pick a few off this list. Amend, adjust, and add to this list for your needs, desires, and sexual goals.  Integrate them into your day, your year, and your life. 

Because my liberation is bound to yours, tell me below what your sexual liberation intentions and goals are for 2020. Let me support you, sit with you in struggle, or cheer you on in success!


  1. Eva, thank you for your posts. I had your New Year posts “left on read” in my Inbox. After finally reading, there are some commitments I need to make, and things I need to explore:
    – I’ve already had a steady habit of getting swedish massage twice a month, so that’s good.
    – I’ve had a friendship with a woman for a few years now that I think needs to end. We’ve had the relationship talk, she said it’s best we stay friends. Boundaries got blurred, mixed messages, frustration grew. We stopped talking for a year, which left me devastated. She reached out last spring, and we hung out a few times, but then she’d ghost for a few weeks/months. Friends have told me that it sounds like she’s using me as an emotional rock, then disappearing once her needs are met.

    I’ve wanted her to get vulnerable, but anytime something uncomfortable comes up, she texts me about it. Getting told by her that I should check out her new place some time, followed by radio silence off and on; getting told that she appreciates me doing yoga and going to drag queen brunches with her because her other guy friend is more of a man’s man, then getting told that she’s going to an amateur porn viewing festival with him to make her feel better about herself; it’s maddening to try and figure out.

    When I came to the first appointment with you, I told you I’m a virgin. I still am, two years later. I tried going to a sex club, which was fun and playful, but I didn’t feel the need to go back. I’ve tried getting back on Tinder and Bumble, and didn’t find connection. I think what I really need to focus on is loving myself and opening my life to finding available women where there is mutual attraction, vulnerability, and spark (wherever I might find that).

    I’m still overweight, but finding self-love for myself in spurts. Self-hatred still rears its ugly head, and I have a knack for torturing myself with overthinking, analysis, and self-criticism, especially with respect to my troubling relationship with this woman. I’ve become better at not spreading myself too thin, and have been integrating meditation into my self-care (along with masturbation and paying attention to watching pornography that aligns with my moral leanings).

    This comment is longer than your post, but the frustration is difficult to unravel. Here’s to unraveling some of these mysteries and improving my relationship with myself and others this year!

    1. This is beautiful. I applaud your knowledge of self, your reflections, your hopes, and your desires.

      The dynamic you are describing doesn’t sound like you enjoy the intermittent contact and the barriers around building intimacy. It also sounds like you know it isn’t working well for you.

      I try to trust people when they tell me who they are — by their actions or with their words.

      Self-love is a series of actions we take and a way we talk to ourselves. We can do it once in a blue moon or everyday. I wish for you a waterfall of self-loving.


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