We’re at a transition point. Transitions are powerful moments to seize.
For those of you in the northern hemisphere with me, the beginning of February is the halfway mark between the winter solstice and the spring equinox.
That means that we’re starting to see the days get a little longer, new leaves or flower heads starting to push through to the sky, and the temperatures rising ever so slightly.
The seeds planted in the fall, the bulbs that have over-wintered, the perennials we cut back months ago are all starting to gather energy to emerge into beauty, food, medicine, habitat, and joy for the spring ahead.
That makes this weekend the perfect time to shine the spotlight on the intentions we set during the dark days of the New Year, raise some energy for our emerging possibilities, and take some serious actions to create what we desire.
Earlier in the month, I offered you a long list possible sexual intentions and actions you could take for this year.
What have you done? What are you doing?
This isn’t a pressure ask or a sly way to shame you or me. It is simply an accounting process.
What did you say you would do? What have you done? What feels right to continue? What do you want to adjust, re-align, throw away, edit, or add to your list of actions for the year?
When people tell me they want to have a better sex life, most folks talk about wanting improvement in 3 general areas:
- physical interaction or physical function — increase frequency of sex, understand how arousal or genitals work, address erection stress, learn to have an orgasm, sex after injury or disability
- more intimacy with their partner — deeper connection, more exploration of sexual activity, more explicit conversation about desires or anxieties, learning together, opening relationship, developing more trust
- better relationship with self and body — ending shame and dissociation, learning about body, healing from trauma, learning to love self
Which one of these three categories (or something not listed) are you focusing on? Which one is calling for your attention this year? What are your desires, intentions, and action items for the work you’re called to do?
None of these things require loads of money or more toys or an expertise in sexuality or relationships to address, develop, or liberate.
They do, however, require a conscious dedication of time and effort.
It takes time and effort to assess where you are in your sexual life and development, to define where you want to go, and to commit to doing the work.
Sexual liberation, sexual satisfaction, and deep, fulfilling, magical intimacy with another human require us to do work.
And, while most of us need to learn some of the same basic information (because the current status of sex education in this country is abysmal at best), our personal work may vary greatly from person to person. We each have our own path, our own work, and our own measures of successful advancement.
That is why it is so important for each of us to name our desires and intentions for our own sexual liberation and commit to them.
Committing doesn’t mean that we throw ourselves at a goal and hurt ourselves or others along the way trying to reach it, like the competitive, winner take all culture we live in tells us we should.
Committing means that we dedicate ourselves to a practice of discovery, experimentation, reflection, and compassion in the pursuit of our own individual (and collective) sexual liberation.
It means that we approach our work with the sweet love we offer to babies as we coo at and kiss their fat little faces. It means we measure our actions and successes not in single blowout orgasms but in a trajectory of time and growth, like the tiny seed that becomes the tomato plant heavy with bright red fruits ready for harvest. It means we hold our process of learning and unlearning the way we would hold our friends or family at a time of big grief and loss — with exquisite tenderness. It means we encourage ourselves like we would the kids in our lives who are learning to play a new sport or an instrument, saying, “Keep trying. You can do it.”
Committing to your sexual liberation also means taking action, taking stock, realigning, and taking action again.
So, here, at this half way point between winter and spring, half way between the darkest days and the balance of light and dark, what will you commit to this year in your pursuit of sexual liberation?
What commitments will you make today to fulfill your desires? To you happiness? To your ecstasy? To your healing? To loving yourself more deeply and fiercely? To your best, most orgasmic self?