Day 9: My love for anal keeps going…

Over the weekend, I was asked by a friend, “How do you cradle yourself?”  Cradle?  The word evokes a feeling of being gently rocked and safely held.  Obviously this is part of my 60 day challenge, I think.On my bed, I laid on my side in the fetal position, tucked the hand on the bed between my legs and held my vulva.  I wrapped my outside arm around my back and held my crack and anus.  I laid there, breathing long slow breaths for about 10 minutes.  I could feel my pelvic diaphragm push my vulva and anus across the palm and fingers of my hands.  I could feel my jaw relax and soften as I breathed deeper.  With my middle finger on my anus, holding a gentle pressure, I felt my spine loosen, as if taut tension cords were softened into spaghetti strands.

I use gloves when I’m doing anal play and sometimes, I use different color gloves when I’m doing anal and vaginal play at the same time to ensure I don’t get rectal bacterial in my vagina.  I’m not interested in a yeast infection. With gloves on, I lubed my right hand began stroking the inner crack of each butt cheek, not touching directly on the anus, just around it at first.  I circled round and round the anus with my fingertips, letting the circles get smaller and smaller till I’m applying direct pressure to the anus.  Now, I’m using the pad of my finger.  I’m not poking with the tip.

Picture

Anal Rectal Musculature

The anus is comprised of 2 sphincters that control opening and closing.  The outer sphincter, a ring of muscle at the surface of your skin is under conscious control, meaning you can squeeze and release it with your will.  The internal sphincter, about a 1/2 inch or 1 knuckle in, is under unconscious control.  The smooth muscles of the sphincters and the rectum hold emotional tension, stress and information from pre-natal or preverbal time of development.  So, when we create conscious relationships with our bodies, we are discovering this information and wrestling with how to calm ourselves or unlearn this primitive stress.

In the photo to the right, in the bottom illustration, you can see the internal sphincter as the ridges of flesh on the inside of the rectum.

In my anal exploration for this day, sitting with this question of cradling myself, safely rocking and holding, I’m feeling super relaxed as my fingers are pressing and circling my outer sphincter.  In fact, I might even be drooling a bit as I felt my sphincters squeeze and release and relax and open up.  The warmth of my hand creating the friction and soothing my muscles, my body opened up for my anus to just fit right on my middle finger.  And that’s where I felt cradled.

I spent about 10 minutes exploring internally moving my middle finger in easy circles inside my rectum.  At first, spinning my finger around then interacting with the space like a clock face, pressing my finger into each number, pushing into the rectal wall then relaxing into the center.  I love feeling my own deep pelvic muscles, touching the tip of my tailbone, and feeling well held.

I love what Chester Mainard, also a Sexological Bodyworker, has to say here.

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